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Gase, I got married less than a year ago and already we fight all the time about how to spend money.
Basically, I feel like he wants to control how my salary is spent while I have no clue how he spends his.  Talking to him has not helped as he does not listen to me, so I thought we needed somebody to advice both of us, without any of us feeling like they are better than the other.

Your problem is a small one if you know how to handle it, but it can blow out of proportion and even cause a breakup if the two of you do not discuss the issue and come up with a solution before it’s too late. Have you informed him that you feel the two of you need someone to give you advice? If not, please mention it to him and find out if he’s up to it. Sometimes one partner will see the need to seek help while the other may think it isn’t necessary. Find out how he feels about the both of you talking to a counselor; I hope he wants to resolve your issues as much as you do and will cooperate, but if not, for now you can take action to make things better for yourself. Because marriage involves both partners, at some point he will have to also make an effort and contribute towards resolving your marital issues. You can’t do it all by yourself but you can start taking action and he will follow when he’s ready.

You need to find out from him why he wants to control how you spend your salary when he’s not transparent about how he spends his. Is it because he’s “the head of the family”? He may very well be under the misguided notion that as “Tlhogo ya lelapa”he can police your salary but not be held accountable when it comes to his own. Communication is key; the two of you have to agree on how you want to run your household, not for one partner to dictate to the other. Your husband has to understand that if he feels he has a right to control how your salary is spent, he must remember that he also has a responsibility to discuss and agree with you how his own salary will be spent.That’s the first thing you must make him aware of, and you must be firm and unwavering about it because it is the honest truth.

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Hopefully, he will agree to go with you for counseling. It’d be ideal if the two of you could start fixing things together from the word ‘go’, but like I indicated before, if he’s not up to it yet that does not mean you should fold your arms and wait for him. Start the ball rolling by seeking counseling for yourself, and the changes that you’re going to initiate will force him to take a good look at himself and in time do the right thing if at all he’s committed and values your union.


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