Unholy s**t

SIES: The offending faeces


Leaders of Assemblies of God Ministries in Maun’s Sedie ward have traded their comfortable couch for ordinary plastic chairs after the former was stained by unholy poop.

The mysterious pile of wet, slimy s**t was discovered in Prophet Gomolemo W.G Motswetla’s seat minutes before a recent Sunday service.

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“It is basically an arrow, a specimen of witchcraft, a sign of looming war; we are fighting a spiritual battle!” exclaimed an animated Motswetla, who fears his small church has been targeted by local witches.

Speaking to The Voice this week, the youthful prophet explained it was originally suspected the foul, bright yellow faeces had come from a cat.

“Initially we thought it could be cat’s poo but it was way too big to have come from such an animal. Again the marks on the couch showed that something heavier, probably a dog, had sat there.”

Dropping his voice to a whisper, Motswetla says it remains a mystery as to how the excrement ended up on the couch as the church had been locked all night.

“The only probability is that it could have entered through a broken window. But it does not make sense why a dog would go through that trouble to get into the church. The window is high and small,” maintained Motswetla, who is adamant the creature that soiled his couch was not of this world.


“It is no ordinary poo. It is spiritual. The intent is to harm the church, to scatter its membership, to weaken it and shut it down,” he insisted, his preacher’s voice rising emotionally, and booming through the hollow room.

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The prophet further told The Voice that hyena droppings were found in one of the church elder’s house shortly after the ‘poo drama’.

According to Motswetla this is part of a continued battle against his church by forces of evil.

The Man of God was appointed to lead the church in 2012 and has made teaching, prophecy and deliverance his focus.

“This has angered the witches! There are fights within our locality and the spiritual fights are intense,” he added.

Indeed, this is not Assemblies of God Ministries first brush with filth. Motswetla revealed a similar incident occurred in 2018 when a creature forced entry into another of the church’s buildings to relieve itself.

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“What was shocking is that it seemingly chewed the door at the bottom to make its way into the room. That is out of character of a dog!” he said, shaking his head dramatically.

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