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WHEN IT WAS GOOD

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We went to the bottle store, then to the Spur in BBS mall. We were home alone at my friend’s brother’s house so we only stayed for one or two; I had three and wished we’d stayed longer. A glass of wine was P4, 50. I was cool with any place where there was alcohol and music.  I didn’t care much for dancing; I didn’t think I knew how.  I suspected I was smart, but wasn’t sure. Didn’t really feel smart, but I did a lot of thinking.  After a few drinks I was a genius, with the extra bit of sexy and funny that I should have been born with.  I was relaxed, that’s what alcohol was supposed to do.
Our girl’s night was great, getting drunk, dancing, dancing topless, hugging, crying, fighting, and calling boys, promising to go to the same university and praying we all passed Form 5.
Later that night we had guests, mostly strangers we met at the Spur. They came with brandy, beer, more cigarettes and other things that I didn’t smoke yet at the time.  I didn’t like beer, brandy was easy to drink, It made me very good at talking, singing, making jokes and kissing, with anyone who’d listen, it was a great night for me, my friends loved me, our new friends loved me and my parents were far away.
The party was getting hot and we ran out of drinks, so someone suggested a move. I liked that. The party had to go on.  I put on my drinking shoes and sprayed my hair incase we went somewhere special, and we did, the parking lot at Legends. We met more friends and hung out a while. Then we went ko ga “Mma Semangmang” in Broadhurst, the hot spot.  We always went there at strange hours and found many other people there. Sometimes the cops killed that party, but on this night they didn’t.  She sells Chibuku, beer, cider and loose cigarettes, not much else.  There was loud music coming from all the cars, now I feel like I can dance, so we did it in the street.  I was so free, even my walk changed.  I made out with what’s-his-name whose lap I sat on in the overloaded car on the way there.  I was drunk and we’d just bought more.  I felt safe.  I fell over while I was pissing behind the car with my friend, I wouldn’t remember in the morning, I fought with some drunk guy for calling me baby, and managed to lose my friends.  They must have left with the rest of the convoy, but this is Gabs, I knew I’d get home.
Me, what’s-his-name and his friend went back to look for the others, Legends then Bull & Bush, closed!  Where had the night gone? I felt a bit lost without my girls. The drinks were in our car, so I kept drinking. Worried a bit but didn’t complain when we ended up at someone’s house for whatever reason.  That wasn’t fun.  I drank beer because the sweet stuff was making me stupid drunk, and I secretly downed water to get sober enough to keep drinking. I did the sexy conversation thing with what’s-his-name and I didn’t mind when he touched me inappropriately.  One kiss led to another and then some, just like how one glass of red led to three and then brandy and then beer.
We end up in someone’s bedroom, he locked the door. That guy really wanted me. It wasn’t my first time but I was a bit nervous.  Didn’t think about a condom until he put it on, gave me a chance to reach for my beer.  I knew I wasn’t good at sex, but I could act like I was.
I felt like crap afterwards, but that wasn’t how I wanted to feel.  He took me back to my friend’s brother’s house, I was glad he remembered the way there. I kept the drinks we hadn’t finished; he was too tired and said he didn’t drink in the morning.  Good for me, I woke one of the girls up to drink with me and exchange stories about how or nights ended. I was high on guilt and shame, which I didn’t share with my friend, and I missed my boyfriend, but the sun rose and the others woke up so the party continued. It became too noisy to think. I liked that. I walked to the tuck shop for cigarettes, on the way there thinking, Everyone thinks I’m  so cool ‘cause I managed to get lost, get more drunk than them, have sex, come back safely, with MORE DRINKS and still be awake. I’m on such a roll I might just make us breakfast.