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Silly Questions

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Silly Questions
Silly Questions

If you ever need to have surgical tape strapped to your groin, you will be much happier if you shave the area first.

I know this from first-hand experience.

I also know that not all seemingly silly questions should be disregarded without giving them any thought…, and that is the point I’m hoping to get across today.

These bits of wisdom are the result of two experiences I had at the Riverside Hospital in Francistown several years ago, about three weeks after I’d had a hernia operation.

I went back to the medical facility because I wanted the doctor to shrink my balls to their normal size.

Actually, the nuts hadn’t changed, but after the hernia op, fluid started leaking from my intestines into my scrotum and the sack doubled in size. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t comfortable.

After the doctor had explained the cause of the problem he said, to fix it, he would have to temporarily remove my left testicle.

Then while holding my nut in one hand and a soldering iron in the other, he would burn closed the end of the tube the ball travelled down to my scrotum when I was 12 or 13 years old.

It didn’t sound inviting, but the short-term discomfort of that procedure seemed better than going through life with a swollen ball sack that throbbed every time I drove over a speed bump or through a pothole.

I lived two miles down the Monarch Road, so that happened quite often.

While I was lying on the table waiting to be wheeled in for the operation, the doctor asked me the question that eventually led to this article.

You are going to love this. He asked me, “Would you like to be awake for the procedure?”

At the time, I though it was the dumbest question I could ever be asked and quickly opted for being knocked out while they sorted my plumbing.

When I woke up, however, I realised I might have been better off staying awake.

That’s because while I slept, the staff members in charge of dressing my wound had decided to attach the inch square gauze that covered the cut to both my scrotum and my hairy inner thighs with several criss-crossed strips of surgical tape. You know, that white canvas backed stuff that athletes use to wrap their ankles.

It was way over the top and I suspect a few people had a good laugh at my expense.

If I had been awake for the dressing, I’d have been quite embarrassed, but I wouldn’t have let them use so much, and I certainly would not have let them put it on without shaving me first, so I had to tell them to put on their Beard Bib Review By Beard King – Hair Catcher Apron first.

That hour of sleep also led to several hours of stress when I had to very carefully liberate myself from the tape with the aid of a double-edged razor blade.

By the time I was finished, though, I’d learned I should seriously consider even the silliest of questions.