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She ignores my calls

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I need your help Sis Gase.

I’m in a relationship with someone I’m intending to get married to very soon.

But just recently she started behaving in a strange manner.

At times she does not answer the phone especially when she has gone to spend the weekend at her home village, and refuses to give reasons why she is doing that.

Also, she ignores my text messages and over reacts when I ask her to explain.

We have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and we communicate often times by phone.

Last time I arrived at her place unannounced and she was panicking, rearranging things in the house. I found some used condoms hidden in the wardrobe. I’m now losing trust in her.

Please help, what can I do?

GASE SAYS:

People do not just start behaving strangely for no reason. If she’s suddenly not picking up the phone whenever she’s gone to her home village for the weekend and she ignores your text messages, then surely something is going on.

That’s why she over-reacts when you want an explanation. She must realize that you have a right to ask why she’s behaving like that, just as much as she would have a right to ask for an explanation from you if it was you treating her like that.

Did you confront her about the used condoms you found hidden in the wardrobe? If yes, what did she have to say about that? If you didn’t ask her, you need to talk to her about it.

This is a very serious matter and if you sweep it under the carpet it will resurface in the future…maybe even come back to haunt you when you’re married.

You need to have an honest and open discussion with her about it before you marry her, rather than avoid the issue and then live to regret it. This is especially necessary as you’re beginning to lose trust in her. You really need to get answers so that you can start to rebuild that trust together.

Trust is a vital ingredient in any relationship; remember that you’ll be marrying her for better or for worse until death parts the two of you.

Are you prepared to forgive her and marry her if she cheated or is cheating on you? Are you convinced she can change, or are you prepared to accept her and live with her as she is?

These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself before you commit. If you’re certain that getting married is truly what you want to do, I suggest you both attend pre-marital counselling.

You can contact The Wedding People via their Facebook page to find out about Relationships workshops, pre-marital and on-going counselling which will include topics such as Cheating/Affairs, Trust, Commitment, Honesty, Questions to Ask Before Getting Married, Money Trouble/Your Financial Agreement, Getting on with the In-Laws, The Real Cost of the Wedding and Marriage (financial, physical and emotional, etc) on the Couple.