Pregnant and abandoned

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On Facebook:

Gase if a man has impregnated you and when you speak to him on the phone he becomes angry for no good reason, doesn’t give you any love, is busy with other girls and has no time for you…what action do you take?

Invite him over to your place, sit him down and have a chat with him…let him explain to you what the problem is and what his intentions are…because clearly, there is a serious problem here.

His behaviour is certainly not what one would expect from someone who’s about to become a dad.

He gets unnecessarily angry with you on the phone because he’s feeling guilty about the way he’s treating you…going out to have fun with other girls at a time when you need his love and support the most…a time when you two should be planning together for the future of this child that you’re both bringing into the world.

For your own sake and well being I suggest that you go for counselling to help you deal with the stress.

If you two don’t reach a satisfactory conclusion when you discuss the issue, ask him to attend counselling sessions with you so that the counsellor can help you both find a way forward.

If he refuses to go for counselling and yet is not willing to meet you halfway to sort out this problem, then seek the intervention of your elders; ask them to go and talk to his parents/elders…particularly regarding what his intentions are about the baby.

Gase what do I do if he’s not answering my calls?

If you dial his number and the phone is just ringing unanswered…and he doesn’t bother to contact you when he realizes that he has missed a call from you…it can only mean that he’s deliberately avoiding/ignoring your calls.

Is he not on Facebook? You could try and send him a message via inbox.

Or you could ask someone to accompany you to his place as you can’t be sure what kind of reception you’ll get; having someone else accompany you at least provides you with backup in case you need it.

It’s better that he comes clean and tells you the truth, no matter what it may be, rather than keep you guessing whether or not you two still have a relationship.

Even when I inbox him he does not reply…I need your help; can you talk to him?

I do not offer face-to-face or phone counselling but can refer you two to a counsellor; however, if he’s not interested in talking to the counsellor or to you for that matter, no one can force him.

As you’re pregnant, have your elders been to his home to let his elders know about the pregnancy the way it is done in Setswana?

If yes, what was the outcome…if not, why have his elders not been notified?

It’s important that he tells to you what his intentions are, particularly regarding the baby; and if he’s not prepared to talk to you about it he’s going to have to explain himself to the elders.

To tell you the honest truth, I have not told my own parents…but his parents know and they say they’re waiting for him.

How are you able to communicate with his parents about the pregnancy when you haven’t told your own parents about it?

What if his parents wait for him and he never talks to them about this pregnancy?

You have to tell your own elders, so that they go talk to his.

That’s how it’s done according to Setswana culture and tradition.

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