Compliments, hope this mail finds you in good health.
I want you to assist me.
I am dating a lady of the same age. I love her.
The problem I have is that whenever there is a problem brought about by her, she never tells me the truth.
It happened that she left me home saying that she was going to check on her child, whom she claimed stays at her aunt’s place, only for me to find out that she had visited the baby daddy, who lives with the child.
How did I find out? The baby daddy called me about it and still, the lady denied that she was at his place when he called me.
She and I discussed the incident afterwards; I forgave her and told her it was bad to start a relationship founded on lies.
A little while later, we are at it again; baby daddy is sending this girl money when she’s still in a relationship with me.
How did I find out? Baby daddy called, asking if she did get the money.
I asked her and she denied it, only to be called by baby daddy warning me that I should watch out as she is taking money from both of us.
She still denies it up to now, even though I found out that she received the cash via Orange Money.
Sometime after that, I found out that she’s exchanging love text messages with a married man.
Merely weeks after discussing baby daddy and married man, another guy came into the picture; he called and was very angry that she was not responding like she usually did.
He wanted to know what could be the problem. I asked her about him, but she denied that they were dating.
The guy and I talked as men and he confessed that they are dating and have slept together.
I love her but I don’t know how long I can keep on crying like this.
Where do I go?
Your girlfriend lies a lot, cheats on you and then denies everything!
She never owns up to anything and you have to understand this one thing: You will never be able to change her; only she can change herself to become someone who can be trusted.
This is a bitter pill to swallow, especially when you truly love someone, but the sooner you accept this simple fact of life, the better for you.
It seems to me like she takes your love for granted, because she keeps going back to her old ways.
I don’t think she has any intention whatsoever of stopping her lies or changing her promiscuous behaviour.
She must think you’re the world’s biggest fool because even when she knows you have information about her wayward behaviour, she keeps denying it, and you keep forgiving her.
She’s selfish and is only interested in going after what she wants regardless of how it affects you.
She doesn’t care that you love her and she doesn’t care whether or not your feelings get hurt.
If she cared at all, by now she would have made an attempt to mend her ways.
There’s something that she’s desperately looking for in all four of you, and if it’s money (which I strongly suspect it is), you can be sure that there’ll be many more men.
How much more heartbreak are you willing to take? She’ll continue to hurt you until you decide otherwise.
Get this: It’s not up to her but up to you whether or not you continue crying.
Your life is your own, and yours alone; ultimately you’re responsible for the decisions you make, whether they’re right or wrong.
You cannot put the blame on another person if you knowingly stay in a bad relationship and you get heartbroken or hurt in any other way.
In other words, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you end up with HIV or some other STI…or if you get beaten to a pulp by a jealous lover, because you chose to stay in a relationship with someone who clearly has multiple partners.
That you love her is not a good enough reason to subject yourself to abuse.
She’s getting everything she wants in this relationship, but what about you?
What are you getting out of it?
Remember, love is a two-way street; she too needs to give you love just as much as you give it to her.
There’s something very wrong with a situation where you’re the one doing all the loving and your girlfriend just takes and never gives, and thinks nothing of making you share her with three other guys including a married man!
Think about it; do you really want to resign yourself to this kind of life in the name of love?
Do you honestly want to stay in this relationship and do you really believe that she loves you back and values this relationship like you do?
If yes, I suggest you seek couple counseling and/or Relationship Management services forthwith, before things go from bad to worse.
If you cannot answer this question in the affirmative, perhaps it’s time to cut your losses and move on. Contact Heart & Hands of Compassion (73516022) or New Perspectives (73888898); a counselor will ‘walk’ you through your problem, help you put your relationship into perspective and help you weigh your options so that you can decide for yourself what’s best for you.