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I am in love with a liar

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She denies me access to my son
She denies me access to my son

Hi Gase, I seriously need advice.

I’m a lady of 24 years dating a man of 34.

We have been dating for 2 years but I feel he is not honest with me and I also have proof that he’s lying.

There are rumours that his mother passed away a long time back but he still claims his mother is alive and stays in the village, but not even once have I heard him talking to his mother on the phone.

Whenever I ask him to take a photo of his mom he always gives me lame excuses.

There is also a rumour that he’s getting married but he brushes it off whenever I confront him about it.

Whenever I try to talk to him about these issues he gets very angry.

I don’t know what to do; I love him and I’m confused.

Is there a better way to approach him?

Gase says…

There’s no better way to approach him than to simply confront him with the truth, but it’s necessary to first establish the facts and not just act on rumours.

You say that you have proof that he’s lying. Well that makes things easy, doesn’t it?

If you didn’t have any proof, I’d tell you to go back to the people who told you that his mother has passed on and that he’s getting married, and ask for more information and proof.

Or, I’d have told you to carry out a little investigation of your own because you need to confront him with something that you’re sure about.

The people who told you about him probably mean well, but the thing about rumours is that sometimes they turn out to be completely untrue…that is why it’s always wise to first find out what is true and what isn’t.

Once you have the facts/proof (as you say you do), there’s no better way to get to the bottom of this matter than to ask him outright.

Lay the facts and the proof bare before him and hear what he has to say for himself.

We all tell lies at times…that’s life…nothing strange about that; but there are some lies that should immediately ring warning bells.

If this man can lie about his mother’s life/death and his planned marriage to another woman, what else is he lying to you about?

You need to ask yourself this question and you’ll probably dig out more lies, which are just as serious.

Wake up, please! How can you allow yourself to continue being lied to like this when you have proof?

Where in actual fact does he go when he claims to go visit his dead mother in the village, and why do you think he gets so angry when you bring up these issues?

He’s obviously hiding something…otherwise there’d be no need for him to lose his temper whenever you confront him about his lies.

Why is it that you’re confused about what to do, yet you say you have proof of his lies?

Is it because you love him? Have you ever asked yourself how come you continue to love a man who can lie to you about such serious things?

Stringing you along when he knows he’s about to marry someone else is no minor issue…it is huge…and so is lying that his mother is alive when she in fact passed on a long time ago!

Ao, mma! You’re walking into this with your eyes wide open; what kind of life do you expect to have with a liar like that?

Talk to this man and let him know you’re onto him; show him that his defense mechanism (getting angry whenever you bring up this matter for discussion) is no longer going to work for him.

Ask him that you two talk about this matter openly and honestly; after you have talked about this, take a decision as to whether or not this is the kind of relationship you really want.

Seek counseling (See ‘Where to Get Help’) if in doubt.