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He lied about his HIV+ status

Ask Gase


Good day. I have a problem, I am in a relationship with this man and I love him very much.

I discovered that he is HIV positive after I found ARVs in his bag.

I confronted him and then he told me yes, it’s true, he is HIV positive although he didn’t tell me this when we first met.

My problem here Sis Gase is, the condom broke when we were having sex but because I didn’t know that he is HIV positive I didn’t seek medical assistance soon enough.

I only went to Tebelopele after discovering that he is HIV positive but they tested me and told me that am on Window Period; I will have to go back and re-test after three months.

Although I might have been infected by the virus from the man, I really do not know what steps to take and I do not want to leave him because although he lied to me I think he loves me.

My fear now is if I leave him, maybe I am infected…whom will I meet?

Maybe I will meet someone who does not want to date an HIV positive lady…or I will date someone who is HIV negative then I end up infecting him.

Thank you.


How long have you been in this relationship, and how long did he hide his HIV+ status from you before you saw ARVs in his bag?

Did you ask him why he was not open and honest with you from the very beginning about his HIV status?

As people we’re meant to learn from our mistakes; I take it that you’ve learnt your lesson and will be extra cautious in future.

Your biggest mistake was to start dating this guy without first taking an HIV test as every couple getting into a new relationship should do.

Couples are always being advised to test for HIV before starting on a new relationship…surely you must have heard this before?

You’re right that you could possibly be infected with HIV because you’ve been exposed, but you really can’t be sure until after the window period, so I’d advise you against taking any hasty and uninformed decisions.

You say you do not want to leave him even though he lied to you; also, you have a fear that what if you left him and then found out that you’re infected…would you be able to find a man who’s willing to date an HIV+ woman?

Or…if you do happen to date someone who’s HIV-, what if you ended up infecting him?

These are all questions flooding your mind right now, and it’s only natural that you should feel worried and even anxious about the situation you find yourself in.

You two need to find time to sit and discuss this issue so that you can share your feelings with each other.

I realize that you’re truly disturbed by this whole experience and are not sure what to do about it.

Talking to him will enable you to look at things from his point of view and will help you understand why he acted the way he did.

A face-to-face counseling session will also do you a lot of good, just to calm you down and help you resolve this in a more focused manner.

Should you decide that you need to talk to a counselor, please call Heart & Hands of Compassion on 73516022 or New Perspectives on 73888898.