Dear Gase,

I’m 16 and worried about my best friend. She’s been with her boyfriend for over a year now but he is a control freak.

They argue every day, he constantly checks her phone, she’s not allowed to talk to any other boys, and isn’t allowed to see us at the weekend.

If she goes to any of her friends’ houses he will text her and tell her when to leave. Every time they’re not together he accuses her of being a cheat and a liar.

All her friends have been trying to tell her that this boy is bad news, but then he suddenly does something sweet to make her forget the awful things he has done. I finally decided to tell her mother what he’d been doing and how miserable her daughter is.

However, my friend has now started lying to her mum, pretending everything is just OK.

I’m getting even more concerned because she’s stopped telling me what is happening, so I’ve been trying to be nicer about her boyfriend and nicer to him, but the rest of my friends don’t agree with that.

I don’t know what to do any more. Please help.

Gase says..

You have been such a fantastic friend and it’s great that you’ve been there for her and even risked your friendship by telling her mum.

However, as tough as it sounds, sometimes people have to learn for themselves – the hard way.

You – or her mum – can’t force her to leave her boyfriend.
He is a textbook case – controlling one minute then really nice when your friend is upset about it.

If you can persuade her to get advice and counseling it might help.

Hopefully she’ll see you’re not being overprotective and that her boyfriend is showing typical signs of being abusive, such as constantly checking her phone and getting angry if she spends time with friends.

However she reacts to this, reassure her you’ll still be there for her, but you can’t bear to see her with someone who is making her miserable.

Hopefully, one day soon, she’ll realise how wrong this relationship is.

 

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