I had a heart to heart chat with one of my guy friend who was very devastated and obviously disturbed during the past festive holidays.
This friend of mine was in trouble with the police because of a fight he had recently got into and mind you this wasn’t his first encounter, nor his second, it was his third fight in five months which I found really strange. So I sat down with him to get the truth.
It took him two hours to tell me exactly what was going on, well, what did I expect, guys are private people who don’t open up easily. After a meal, a few drinks and jokes, I then learnt that my guy friend’s childhood had come back to haunt him and this was greatly affecting him in a negative way.
So he told me that when he was about 10 years his mother took him to live with her sister and he never really had his biological mother around during his teenage years. He also told me that he never realized how much he needed to be with his mother until recently.
His mother sent him away because he felt neglected after she got a new husband. During most of the years of living with his aunt, he was told all sorts of stories that his mother didn’t love him and that the mother was too occupied and too proud of the new family she had. So he obviously grew up with the mentality that he was hated and began resenting his mother.
Well, it’s understandable, I mean I’d probably do the same if I was in the same situation, it’s human really. We all resent those who hate us and don’t want anything to do with them right? However, my friend then told me that for the past few years his relationship with his mother has since improved, he even calls the mother “mama”.
I then asked him if he had completely dealt with the fact that he felt like his mother resented and neglected him years back and he said he hadn’t probably that’s why he was acting the way he was.
So I suggested that he talks to his mom and let her know how he felt instead of bottling it up because it was clear that his silence was definitely not working for him hence him becoming violent.
By talking, he gets a chance to tell his side of the story and the mother tells her side of the story as well. And after this, he just might see things in a different light from his mother’s explanation of “deserting” him. You’ll be amazed at what “just talking” can and will do for you.
Now I decided to write about this because I’ve realized that a lot of young people are in a similar situation, I actually have one or two family members who have had to deal with something of this sort. I do know for a fact that there are thousands other youth who are rebels because of their past. Guys, such things don’t need a psychiatrist because he/she can’t even help.
All you need is to talk to the person you are having problems with (in this case the mother). By doing this you will be letting out all that is bothering you, all that is bottled up inside and releasing this will do you good.
There are several other childhood cases that most tend to ignore and because of this ignorance, you end up resembling what happened to you ages back and this is a huge set back. Face your past head- on gals and guys.