The blessing that I had longed for had finally arrived.
I got the position that I had always dreamed of, I became a Director in one of the leading IT companies in Gaborone.
It was all exciting at first, the thrill I got from my work, the admiration I received from my peers and most importantly the number of zeros that reported in my bank account.
Things started taking a different turn after a while and the excitement wore off.
I was now getting consumed with the many deadlines, the frequent business trips and the endless late nights I had to spend at the office to get work done.
I could not spend time with my lovely wife and children anymore and before I knew it my marriage was at the brink of divorce.
Was my blessing turning into a curse? This marked the beginning of my demise.
One day during a chill session with one of my colleagues I lamented my struggles, “how can I cope with the many demands that are pulling at me?” My colleague informed me of a solution that was to offer me both pleasure and the energy that I need for my work and family demands.
He said, “this my guy is a blessing”. He showed me some white powder and cut a line for me to snort.
At first I was skeptical but I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired; nothing could make me worse at this point.
Sniffed up one line and in that moment felt an intense sensation that was out of this world.
Every pain, worry and fear that I had experienced throughout the month seemed to be fading away.
I felt euphoric-the most intense kind of excitement I had never felt in my entire life.
That night I felt so alive and full of energy and that is how I began my relationship with cocaine.
I was hooked after my first use. I started buying my own stash and used every single day.
It appeared to boost my energy levels as I was able to complete my work tasks and have the energy to play with my children.
It also gave me a sense of confidence to address my colleagues during meetings.
I could easily talk my way into the hearts of investors and win tenders worth millions of pulas.
White powder also gave me a feeling of power, like I could conquer anything I put my mind to.
No challenge was too big for me, I was untouchable.
Little did I know that it was all short lived.
I became addicted and could not stop.
Eventually I could not maintain the habit as cocaine was very expensive.
I remember that in one of my binges I used up P12, 000.00.
I started selling some of my properties such as cellphones, laptops, iPad and eventually sold one of my houses without informing my wife.
Furthermore, it took a toll on my body. My heart was always beating fast, I had constant headaches, abdominal pains and I struggled to sleep.
Overtime I lost appetite for food and lost weight.
I started having a constant weird feeling, like someone was stalking me, I became paranoid and anxious.
I could no longer satisfy my wife sexually and this hurt my ego as a man.
Regardless of all these effects of cocaine, I continued using because of the cravings.
I was now using to stop the pain, not for pleasure.
My wife could not take it anymore, she divorced me and took our children.
I lost my job and was admitted in a psychiatric hospital due to an overdose and I was diagnosed with substance induced psychosis.
My blessing turned into a curse.
If you think that you might have a substance abuse problem, or if you have a family member or friend who does, we encourage you to seek help.
For some it can mean the difference between life and death.
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