I am in a relationship with a girl whose father is my workmate and weare neighbours. He doesn’t know all this and I guess we are wasting time being together. Why? If he finds out he is not going to like it and we will have to part ways again. We are both not free because of this problem. Also, although my girl loves me, at times I feel I want to be alone. I’m just doing it for her…not to hurt her but I know I want out of the relationship. I really feel I am wasting my time and hers, and I’m confused. How do I tell her I’m off the relationship? I’m 24 and she’s 20.
Why do you think her dad is not going to like it when he finds out about your relationship; could it be that you know her dad is on to you?
Is it possible he’d know you’re just fooling around and playing with his daughter’s feelings?
You say that if her dad finds out you two will have to part ways again; this implies you’ve parted ways before. May I know why?
It may very well be that she doesn’t feel free because she knows her dad will not approve of the relationship if he finds out; but as for you, the other reason why you’re uncomfortable is because you know you’re misleading her into thinking you love her back when you know you don’t.
The reason why I’ve concluded that you do not love her back is because you say that you’re just doing it for her, so as not to hurt her.
Let me tell you something; there’s no such thing as ‘just doing it for her’.
You cannot be in a relationship just for the other person!
A romantic relationship is about two people, and if you’re in it just because you ‘don’t want to hurt her’ then you’re being dishonest, hurtful and downright cruel.
You say that you are confused. You really shouldn’t be confused about anything here.
It’s very clear and straightforward because you’ve said it yourself that you’re wasting your time and hers…and you want out.
The only problem I see here is that you may still be hanging around for selfish reasons.
You know she loves you and you may be using her to amuse yourself before you move on.
If so, please do the young lady a favour and end this relationship now.
I can understand why you’re trying to protect her feelings by continuing to be with her when you know the relationship is not real, but it’s a big mistake and if you continue to string her along when you know for a fact that you’re wasting her time she’ll be even more hurt when she finds out later.
Better be honest with her now because the sooner she deals with the disappointment the better.
It’s painful, but that’s life. You cannot be in a relationship where the love is one-sided. Please be gentle with her when you end the relationship; if you feel that telling her the whole truth will be too harsh, then just give her half the truth and say you’re afraid of the consequences should her dad find out about the two of you.
If she’s taking it badly and not coping very well you can always advise her to seek counselling.